My first blog was in 2005, fathermanseekingpeace.blogspot.com. It was devoted to bringing peace into the world. Although the blog is down, it’s content is still accessible to me. The ideas still hold water, but they are cliche by now. I found a handful of posts that were not spiritual, though. I’ve thought of this particular post over the years. The observation still holds true.
As I was washing my lunch dishes at work, I noticed that some thoughtful person had brought in a new bottle of liquid dishwashing soap. Normally, I might not have noticed, but we have gone without soap for a week, so I was excited enough to notice the label: Non-Ultra Dawn. There was nothing particularly non-ultra about it that I could see. Obviously, the original Dawn product has become the exception to the point that anything that is not Ultra Dawn must be described as Non-Ultra. Then it dawns on me (sorry, it’s not even that good of a pun) that this is absolute craziness. This bizarre way of describing things has gotten totally out of hand!
Let’s start with the smaller issue: Ultra, Super, Premium, Extra, etc.
It’s hard to buy a product that is not Ultra, Super, Premium, Extra, Mega, Double, or Triple. At what point do these words become meaningless? I’d say about 8 seconds after Walmart stops stocking the original product. And what happens when they want to enhance the already enhanced product? Consider L.A. Looks Hair Gel:
There is no regular hold gel, is there? There’s Super Hold, Extra Super Hold, Mega Hold, Mega Mega Hold, Extreme Hold, and Extreme Mega Mega Hold (I’m not sure about the last one, but it seems inevitable). Isn’t a gel that holds your hair in place enough for some people? If Super Hold keeps my hair in place wouldn’t using Extreme Hold mean that my hair will take on the properties of concrete?
Ok, now on to the bigger, more pressing issue: What do you call the rule when it becomes the exception? Why does Dawn feel like it has to call it’s original product Non-Ultra Dawn? Why are we calling coffee in it’s natural state Regular or (even worse) Caff? Whole Milk anyone? Then there’s the large assortment of Unscented products. Long ago, some guy decided that their product ought to be scented. They came up with pine fresh, mountain spring, april fresh, clean breeze, and so on. Now, to get the original product you’re going to have to look for something that’s been through the mythical process known as Unscenting. We unscented it. Geez, we could increase productivity by 20% if we didn’t have to unscent this stuff! Is this what my Aunt Ginger paid the vet to do to her ferret before it could become their household pet? Then there’s Unsalted butter and Unsalted nuts. How ridiculous would the process of Unsalting nuts be? Ok, Joe. You do the salting, then send them over Frank where he…
It doesn’t stop with products. Uncircumcised. How do you uncircumcise something?
EDIT: FYI, they don’t make Non-Ultra Dawn anymore. They make Non-Concentrated Dawn, though.